Wild and Feral
So I tried out the Lensa app AI creation using twenty selfies from my iPhone to see what and how this artistic app works. I have been an artist and maker my entire life. It is always something that I feel such motivation for, to create imagery, photographs, and objects with healing and shifting powers. Its also been a way-finding method for me throughout my life whenever I have felt lost or needed guidance and reconnection to nature and spirit.
So I could not resist trying this out.
Many images beautified my face and body, even giving me larger breasts and smoother skin. They were fun but I was less interested in those and more interested in the ones that looked strangely like me and offered variations of artistic methods such as paint, mosaic and so forth.
But there was one that stood out to me the most. I slowly scrolled downward scanning them all and stopped dead at the one pictured below. There was something about it that made me feel slightly unsettled but intensely curious. So for a few days I sat with this feeling, and came back to it every once and a while. As the days went by it began to come to me.
This image actually captured a version of me or rather the version of me that is so very authentic, the biggest part of me. When I look at this image I see who I am, immeshed into nature, the plant world, and the wild. Fairly feral, grounded but also sharp, warm but also fierce, exhausted, angry, yet willing. The red toned plant next to me brings me to the sense of poison ivy and its red glossy leaves. In person, poison ivy has a sweet look but a burning consequence when disturbed.
This image is a snapshot of the wild woman inside of me that is fucking enraged, wild, and terrifying. Much life nature has such beauty but such power. The kind of power that renders us helpless and leaves us to ride out the rollercoaster of change, illness, weather, etc. Nature runs on its own time, its own rhythms and we don’t have a say in how it plays out and shifts day to day. In a lot of ways we don’t fuck with it and we are cautious to respect the parts of nature that can take us out. This is what I feel inside of my body, this push and pull of the nice or nice looking woman against the wild, feral, and fucking pissed off part of myself that can hold a boundary so fierce it shift energy for miles.
I love both of these sides of me equally and they both have an important purpose in my life. Holding sacred space for others requires the feral and fierce energy and the grounding calmer part of me as well. For a long time I have suppressed this wild and feral part of me…which is fundamentally who I am. My force of will is like a well fed fire, I am determined to push forward always expanding my mind, body, spirit. When I was young I felt like there was so much holding me down, keeping me back from what I wanted to do, and suppressing my true self. I had to be someone else for many years in order to survive and make it through certain times in my life.
As I gander at this image I realize that this rooted part of me must be unleashed, released, and most of all heard. I have much to learn from this part of myself because this is where all my strength lives. This side of me can move mountains, can bring on miracles, can shape shift energy, can create something wild and healing from a tiny spec of a thought. The essence and power of the dark goddess exists in this part of me and this image.
I am left also thinking about all the women I know. I wonder where they are all at in their relationship to the wild woman within, and how they feel about this power within themselves. Are they willing and able to wield it for the greater good? Are they afraid of that part of themselves because the aren not sure how to be in relationship to it? I think of women like Lizzo, Alicia Keys, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, and the many others that are on a public platform and using this wild part of themselves to effect woman across the globe in a powerful way just by modeling how to be true to this powerful part of themselves.
How are you connected to this part of you and how do you feel about it? What would the world look like if we were less suppressed and more activated and in relationship to our wild selves? As I see it, this would change the world.
